a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My liver just had a heart attack.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
