Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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