I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
