Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
