You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
