She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
