and you said cock pushups were impossible
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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