"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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