Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
