I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize