I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
