I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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