The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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