You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
