tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
