You just made me feel so damn special
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
