nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
