'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
