I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
