in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize