Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
