omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
