guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
