She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
