my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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