Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
