You can't special order awesome
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
