a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
