Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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