If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize