Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
