My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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