If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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