Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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