They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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