Apparently you make a good broom.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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