I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
