it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
