i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
