I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
