we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
