I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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