it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
