I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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