My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sorry my hands just texted you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
