It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
