There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
