Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize