Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
you're hired as official boob wrangler
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
