so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I will pee on everything he values.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
