she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
