last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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