dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
