you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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