dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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