just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
