oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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