cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
