No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
