At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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