He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
