Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
