Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
