tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You took a bar mat shot.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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