Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
