Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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