Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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