we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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