if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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