I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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