My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
