I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
