Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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