should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
