Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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