No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
