If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
