saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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