i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
