the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
