So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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