i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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